Learning a new gz piece for exam! It's so much more challenging.
Some of my friends like to think that guzheng pieces are easy to play and Eastern instruments are not on par with the Western ones. I am inclined to disagree. There are so many techniques and skills to master and many different ways of playing the same instrument. I'm not taking a biased POV here.I was a clarinet-ist then.

P tells me that i should just let it be and move on. What's in it when there's no longer trust? She's been through it already. She said it's pointless to hang on. It will never change. Okay.

Got to go and practise guzheng already. I don't believe i can't make it there if i work harder.
We shall run the race together, N!

I've come to a point whereby i can't be bothered with many things.
By that, i don't mean stuff associated with responsibility.Nothing of that sort.
I'm still committed to being a responsible blah blah blah...like i always try to be.

Thanks to Meigi and Brenda, time spent with the class became bearable. Though i must say, we did get very annoyed sometimes with them.

I've learnt to accept that this is something you will never change. I still want to believe that the exasperation and annoyance you've shown is due to the fact that you are tired. Still, I will take things in my stride. Afterall, what is there that i cannot let go now after what i've been through to find release then?

Thanks for asking what's wrong with me, stranger. I'm fine. At least, i know i'll be in a matter of time. Those tough times will only make me stronger and more durable to the next.

I feel lighter nowadays.
Perhaps in a way or another, I've learnt to appreciate and see things better.
It's funny sometimes, how people seemed to think that they are so smart at hiding stuff from others, when the truth is that they aren't that so really.
Oh well, no point ruining it.
Whatever. I'm happy in my own little world. Hahas.

Aren't you happy for me?

A trip back certainly does wonders. I feel as if i've taken a calming draught.My heart is in a state of tranquility, for now at least. Those things that used to make me panic and uptight seemed so insignificant now. Guess I've somehow found a channel to flush them away. I'm no longer bothered by them.

Her eyes always seemed to gaze so far away.A memory, maybe.
It seemed that she didnt have many more moments to spare.
The need to connect is so intense.
It's can be anytime now. So she told me.
I insisted that she stop talking about it. I told her she must wait for me to graduate from university.I want her to be there for me, watching me as i take the first step into the working society. It can be anytime now. She repeated.
I told her no. I told her she must wait for me.
She's not to leave me behind. I'm afraid.
Give me more time. There's only so much i can do now.
I still want to learn your culinary skills.
I want to grow up faster.

I'm still fortunate. I got to spend some time talking to her. Just the two of us.
Sadly, I'm probably the only one who finds time is precious with her. Or so it seemed.
The rest just didnt make the effort to connect.
It's probably why i've found the closure i needed.
I've realised that there's many things that matters more and are waiting for me to accomplish them. I shouldn't be wasting time trapped in petty stuff.
I've caught sight of the track again.
It was her who guided me back.
It was her that i know so much about my roots.
It was her who helped me paint the picture of what it was like back in old times.

Yes, i will make it come true. I promise you.
Just wait for me. 4years.That's all i asked for.

Labels: Closure

I want it to stop. Wrong. I need it to stop.

Can't anyone see it?I'm on the verge of losing my sanity already.
I just want someone to be there for me when bad things happen.
Tell me that it's all going to be okay, not just making superficial remarks.
Why is it that i always have to face it alone?
I'm only human. I am not made of metal.
I thought i can pull through it myself. Turns out i was just deluding myself all along.
Things are NOT okay.

I hate to be weak. Can't anyone see that all along, I am never truly happy?
It's just so tough that i no longer understand why i do the things i do.

I don't want to go for the ocip trip with t14. I'll just go mad if i have to.
Leave me alone,you people.Pretend i don't exist.
Isnt that what you guys are most capable of? Pretense?
Keep on pretending. Let me breathe.
It's been such a long time already. My oxygen ran out long ago.

The song is an expression of exactly how i feel right now. Every word of it.

Please,someone. Do something.

Labels: Journey.

First week of school:

I'm still in T14. William and Jacon asked if i was sad. I just smiled.

I'm still the DC. Mdm Phang refused to let me step down.

I've got more breaks as compared to last year. More study periods for me.

I've never felt so high when it's physics lesson.

On top of all that, the boys were bearable up till now. I hope it stays this way.

Things were not as bad as I thought it will be. Though sometimes, there's still this tingling feeling biting me from the inside.